A waking dream
Geeta wakes up with a choked throat and reaches for the phone to check time. It’s 3 a.m. now and her whole body is shivering. Was it a dream? Is it the same bed where she was sleeping sometimes back? She looked around. Alok is sleeping on his sides holding his pillow tight. Piu is also in deep sleep clinging to her. Where was she then? It was a very small bed and she was sleeping with Piu and a tiny little baby on her sides. There were scorpions all around the bed trying to get inside the mosquito net and she was desperately trying to save the little one from them. Geeta was tucking in the net from one side and the scorpions were getting in from another. It was as if she was fighting the last battle of her life. Geeta saw one of them actually crawling onto the feet of the baby and screamed hard. She woke up with a jerk to reality. It was a dream!
She reaches for the water bottle. The bottle is almost over but her throat is still dry. She is sweating like a fish. Who was that little baby, she thinks. Geeta holds Piu close to her body and feels relieved while Piu secures her arm and leg around her. Piu sleeps in between Geeta and Alok and never goes off to sleep till the time she feels her mother by her side. Geeta gets up, splashes water on her eyes and comes back to the bed. She feels her abdomen with her hands and thinks about the life that is springing inside her. How badly she wanted a baby. She realised it strongly when she held and cuddled Reena’s newborn baby a month back. Reena is her college friend and it was her second baby after her 6 years old daughter. Her heart melted looking at the cherubic face of the baby boy and she knew she wanted a baby again. Even Piu needed a company.
“I want a baby at home, a real one, not a doll. Ask God to put a baby in your tummy please! When your tummy will be big and fat, doctor uncle will take the baby out for me. I want my mom’s baby....not a cousin...Please mom...”
Piu’s words started ringing on her ears. Every time she prays she asks for a baby and a puppy and complains God does not listen to her prayers. May be it is Geeta’s craving and Piu’s prayer that have brought about this new life in her.
Alok does not want a baby. Though he says he does not want now, she understands he wants never. He has his list of priorities in life and a baby fits nowhere there. He has just got promoted in his job with a dream position and an enviable package. He is happy and wants to live life to the fullest, a life he always wanted to live... good money, great car, people working at his command where he is not answerable to anybody; not even to his wife. Geeta feels good to see him excited and happy. Otherwise, most of the time he spends with them, he is irritated and angry. Questions irritate him, invade his space, he wants to breathe free. He will fulfil his responsibilities as a father and a husband but, love; he is not sure of. He candidly admitted that a few days back chewing cashew nuts and sipping his drink. Their ideas of happiness do not match for quite some time. Geeta has realised that his world has become big and small things in everyday life cannot make him happy any more.
“What happened? Why r u awake? ” Alok’s words brought her back to present. Unmindfully she dropped the water bottle on the floor and the sound woke him up.
“Nothing, I had a bad dream. Not getting sleep now.”
“Okay, it is just a dream. Close your eyes and try to sleep. Do you need a medicine?” Alok asks in his sleepy voice.
“Yeah, you are right. I will be fine. No need to take medicine.” Alok goes back to sleep even before she could complete.
Alok knows Geeta takes pills for stress and does not forget to get one if he sees her awake at night. Geeta closes her eyes and tries to sleep. Even a couple of years back, she remembers, seeing her awake at night Alok would crawl towards her, hold her in his arms and try to put her back 2 sleep playing around with her hair, messaging her brows and rubbing his hands on her belly. Most of the times such attempts used to end up with a love making session and they used to fall asleep in each other’s arms. A wry smile has played on her lips thinking of the idiotic rhymes he used to sing to her whenever she was upset, hurt or angry. Actually, for Alok, everything comes with an expiry date; his shoes, his watches, his car and so are his relationships. He hates to repair his stuff if it stops working. Most of his shoes lie unattended in one corner of the house and his one time favourite watches in some corner of his cupboard. He feels no pain when he sells his old car and buys a new one. He can switch off from things in such a short time. She sees no difference between herself and his old stuffs. She was his world at one point of his life, and now just a liability. He will make sure that she lives fine with Piu but that is all, beyond that the door is closed. He does not like to talk about feelings, love and care; those are all outdated stuffs in this relationship. Her heart longs to see him holding her in his arms and telling her how much he needs both of them. She knows it is an impossible dream, but the hope keeps her going. May be some day.... it will happen, but if she does not need him that day? She knows she will never feel that way in her whole life; she never could leave him when he asked both of them to walk out of his life two years back for some other woman. She stuck to her belief that he would come back. He came back but she never got back the man she loved and married.
Why am I brooding over these silly things?” Geeta thinks, “These thoughts have already taken away my sleep and they will take my life some day.”
Accept things as they are and be happy, Alok told her one day. Right he is, but wish I had a button in place of my heart to switch on and off. Alok is honest enough to admit that he is not ready for a baby mentally, physically and financially. He is just trying to continue with this relationship and he is not sure whether it will work or not. She understands it means a full stop and any discussion beyond that will create a stir at home and Alok does not like this. She must try hard to keep this relationship alive till the last day; the truth in her life needs to be kept in one piece, the truth that her Alok loves her and wants to be with her throughout his life. She holds Piu close to her heart and closes her eyes. It is 5a.m now and she has three hours to sleep before she wakes up and gets ready for an early morning appointment in the nearest nursing home. That is no sacrifice any way, but a sensible and logical decision to make life better and happier in future, just a small adjustment...
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