The Sea Named Desire by Madhulika Roychowdhury

She was dying ……. He held her in his arms …. Her one last desire was to

see the sea, it had always been so …. In their village, they didn’t even have a

river …. She had asked him about the sea and he said it was gray in color …

like your eyes she had asked …. He had laughed and said yes and the water

is salty …. She would always talk about the sea, she always wanted to see it ...

 
 


…. He held her tightly to himself, helplessly …. this woman he loved with all

his being, their lives together so short-lived, hardly a couple of years …. she

had been sick the last few months, very sick …. It was as if forever she had

wanted to see the sea but he couldn’t fulfill that one desire of hers ……Their

entwined lives full of compromises, adjustments and sacrifices, where even

making love was a domestic chore …. So many people living in little contained

spaces …. Intimate moments were limited … so limited that the moments

were almost mechanical …. Quite often he imagined her in that flimsy low

neck negligee which he had seen in magazines, the reality only too practical

… every Saturday night he would be home from the nearby city where he

worked and return Monday morning … the two nights the only luxury in his

mundane existence ……. Sometimes he would get a scented candle, over the

time, he collected a dozen or more in scents of vanilla, rose, lily, sandal …..

candles which are hidden in deep recesses of the rickety drawer in their one

personal cupboard …. Candles which have remained unlighted, whose

fragrances have dimmed with time but which still ignite the longing for candle

lit nights that are not to be ever ….. he would also get her jasmine strands for

her hair, which she would hide in a corner of the cupboard wrapped in wet

cloth and which she wore every Sunday afternoon in her hair, or rather had

him put on her hair …. He smiled … Sunday afternoons were their only

unhindered, undisturbed time of togetherness, when the entire household

would be taking their siesta …. The two would go sit under the one gulmohor

tree they had in their backyard …. He would put the light pink nail paint on her

toes and fingers … she loved nail paints, especially the bright red ones but

like all other things, she compromised and adjusted to the light pink so not to

invite the wrath of his mother ….. he specially loved her feet, there was

something very sensuous about applying the nail paint to her toes …. He

would hold her very close to himself and sing her songs …. He is a good

singer and knew plenty of bollywood songs …. During weekdays he would

practice them after work …. And when it was time for the household to wake

up from their siesta, she would take off her jasmine strand and bury it under

the gulmohor tree …… she didn’t want others to see …… but to him she

would say … perhaps they will grow into a jasmine tree …. Both knew it would

never be so but they loved believing so …… and at nights, they would play

this game of counting the stars sitting out late with their fingers entwined ….

Their only other moments of intimacy apart from the afternoons …. He

particularly loved the full moon nights, when the moonlight made her look

ethereal ….. and now here she was, dying with only one desire … he held her

tightly to him, helplessly, her forehead pressed against his cheek …. She

knew what he was thinking, she always did, in the limited spaces amidst the

crowd of people, they only spoke with their silences, their eyes and

understood one another perfectly…… She wanted to free him from his guilt

…. In their short time together, he had been a wonderful companion and a

passionate lover ….. she tasted his tears, they were salty, very salty and

warm ……she looked up at him and held his gaze …..in his gray eyes she

saw a whole sea of tears …. She caressed his cheek with her fragile fingers

and smiled and said …… now I know what the sea looks and tastes like …..

he held her closely and wept and wept …..

   Madhulika Roychowdhury, 
an Indian National, is a corporate professional residing in Dubai, United Arab Emirates, since 25 years with her media professional daughter. Writing is her passion and she draws her inspiration from the people around her and their lives. She takes keen interest in the complexities of human emotions and relationships and these reflect in her writings. She loves interacting with people from all walks of life. An animal and nature lover, photography and traveling are her other passions.