Dear Aditya,
Congratulations. Shubho Bibaho !
You’ve just married Rani Mukherjee, an award-winning Hindi film star (for us Bengalis film means a lot more than the three hour capsule of entertainment; since Uttam Kumar’s time cinema has been a part of our lives). And on top of that, Rani has been one of our (Bengal’s) strong pillars in Bollywood. You hit the jackpot.
Numerous international magazines wrote about her talent many times. It looks like you found the woman who wouldn’t blab to the whole world that she is married to the ‘Çhopra’ of the Yash Raj banner. Lucky you.
I do have some words of advice for you, from one Bengali guy to another soon-to-be Bengali guy. Yes, you are not currently a Bengali, but you will become one soon enough. See, when one of our women marries a ‘non-bong’, she doesn’t become an African or an American or a German or a Punjabi or a Tamilian or a Marathi; but ‘he’ becomes more like us (well, almost all of them - Amitabh Bachchan is an exception). Wikipedia says you were born on 21 May 1971. And was diagnosed with severe APD (Antisocial personality disorder) as a child and recovered from the disorder through your teenage.” With your medical history (whatever it was) you will surely get a super-special care from Rani..... “Thanda legey jaabe” at any time of the year, being one of the many. Get ready with your mufflers, woollen caps (including the monkey-head-shaped ones), scarves, sweaters, gloves and every possible warm clothing of this world.
You were born in Mumbai. As per your online biographies, you never dated any Bengali woman and were married to Payal Khanna, until your divorce in 2009... that means you were never connected much with a Bong woman. Strap yourself in for the ride.
I have been known to get a little upset when Bengali girls marry non-Bengalis. But most of the time, they turn those non- Bengali guys into Bengalis. And when that happens, I’m all for it. Our culture is strong. It is contagious. And though you are Aditya Chopra, you will not be immune to this phenomenon.
Oh, and by the way, there are tens of thousands of Bengalis named “Aditya.” My uncle is one of them and three of my friends. And it’s not Bengalicised or anything. It’s just “Aditya” and spells the same way. Though most of the times we say it a little differently with a double ‘T’ (like Aditto) – that’s in the blood you know. We will be able to say your name just fine. And you won’t be the first couple to be named “Aditto and Rani” either. So you’ll fit right in.
Ok, let’s talk about a few things.
Get ready to go to Kolkata and explore. We Bengalis are extra proud of where we come from. And Kolkata Bongs are extra special super-duper over-the-top proud of where they come from. West Bengal is a beautiful state of our country and you will have a great time. But people are a little laidback in Bengal, so don’t be surprised if some middle aged Bengali tells you, “Hey, I loved your work in Mohabbatein.” He might not have seen Rab ne Bana Di Jodi yet. Try not to ruin it for him. Also, while parts of rural-scapes around Kolkata are really beautiful, don’t be alarmed if most of it looks like it was all unkempt and low in cleanliness. This is normal in our part of the world.
Also, you are marrying an actress who has won numerous awards and nominations, including seven Filmfare Awards, and her film roles have been cited as a significant departure from the traditional portrayal of women in mainstream Hindi cinema. We Bengalis are political animals, and I imagine Rani is no exception as I know in addition to acting in films, she has been actively involved with several humanitarian causes and is vocal about issues faced by women and children. So you will be learning much about the ins and outs of Bengali history and politics over the last three centuries. If you haven’t yet, you will probably be receiving some lectures on the ‘Emergency period of the seventies’, Marxism and ‘International labour laws’. Sit back and listen. You will learn a lot. And it will all be true. You’ve been in Bollywood for a long time; so much of it may come as a shock at first. This is normal. But you’re not just marrying any girl. You’re marrying a girl who is an educated Bengali celebrity. And there’s nothing we Bengalis love more than talking about Indian politics and how it has been betraying Bengal since… well, since forever. And there might be some anger directed at Northern India. But remember, we don’t hate North Indians. We just hate North Indian politics.
Oh, and we have to talk about the wedding. You may have hoped for a small, tactful affair. I wouldn’t be too optimistic. Bengali parents like to brag when their daughter marries someone really accomplished like a doctor, an engineer, or an owner of three or more medicine shops (as we believe medicine business can never go low in business). But this Bengali daughter is marrying (has married) freakin’ Aditya Chopra! She’s married Dhoom! She’s married Chak De India! She’s married Gunday! (Yes, I know Gunday wasn’t your proudest moment, but you know what I mean.)
After the wedding, the size of your family must have immediately grown a hundred times over. Just wait and watch – you will soon become a cousin to more individuals than you ever dreamt was possible and will be called Aditto-da every passing moment. You will hold hands with men and women and dance in circles. You will need to learn the “change the light bulb” and “windshield wiper” moves. I have a video that might help (I’ll send you the you-tube link).
I know your weddings can create a sort of sensory overload and your “Meri brother ki dulhan” might look like a small birthday party in comparison.
Incidentally, now that you have a Bengali wife who will surely advocate for Bengal at the dinner table. But let me also tell you the positive side of it – if you were ever going to run for a political office in Bengal and join Didi, you definitely will win with 99.9% of the vote.
Finally, Aditya you have inspired many Punjabi boys. If you can snag an accomplished, intelligent, beautiful, worldly, multilingual Bengali genius actress with a functioning family and an existing wife at home then maybe even Mika can too.
So, welcome to the family. You’re going to have more fun than you ever imagined.
Sincerely,
Victor Ghoshe
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